Thanks for coming by for a minute or two of your life to help me.

My name is Adom and I am a 40-something married man to my wife of nearly 2 years. I started looking at this community recently as a way for us to improve our marriage. The draw for me is this- my wife is satisfied with the occasional “vanilla with a twist of kink” once in a while, and I want more.

Yes, I’ve perused the literotica stuff and tried to introduce some of the things I’ve read- but I am plagued by my wife telling me that “we” don’t need that “stuff” to enjoy sex. All of the stuff out there is mostly women looking to get their men to buy off on this stuff, probably after that 50 Shades book. but let’s face it, that stuff isn’t real life- two people trying on a brand new pair of boots that don’t fit- that’s us.

I am a Dom at heart and think I always have been. I enjoy sex- when I can get it, and my wife who has shown occasional bouts of submissiveness but tons of vanilla, seems to enjoy it too. But I need your help! I’m really looking for advice on how I can take my marriage to the level of D/s you all seem to be enjoying. I need this, I need to exercise my “inner Dom” -but I don’t know how to get my wife on board with this. So maybe this is my brain on D/s just trying to figure this out, and maybe, like some have said- it becomes their therapy for achieving what they can’t do on their own.

Thanks to all for any help you can offer.


13 thoughts on “About

  1. My Sir's Mynx

    Hi Adom-

    My name is Tom Wolf, I am Mynx’s Sir. I see that you’ve registered to follow our blog, and both Mynx and I are truly humbled that you’ve taken a shining to us and appreciate you following us, and our journey.

    So that the community as a whole can know the facts, I’m going to list what facts I have been able glean from your blog which I think might be beneficial to everyone as a whole;

    Age: 40’s
    Married: 2 years
    His occupation: Truck Driver
    Her occupation: Marketing Director
    He: Dom desires, expansion of role
    She: ??? (thinks D/s is weird)
    Sex life: Unknown, but told no a lot

    While we appreciate your following, again, there are many blogs with a ton of varied and very knowledgeable experiences. I believe you can find the knowledge you’re seeking from this community, and, there are few people who are regular contributors which you might find have beneficial information regarding your quest;

    Men’s blogs:
    http://southernsirsplace.com/ – loving DD/lg relationship with miss Kayla
    http://thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com/ – loving M/s relationship

    Women’s blogs:
    http://pushingourlimits.wordpress.com/ – evolving D/s relationship
    http://bopeepmeetsmrwolf.wordpress.com/ – established D/s-M/s
    http://kaylalords.com/author/Kayla/ – in DD/lg with Southern Sir
    http://desiringdiscipline.wordpress.com/ – emerging D/s relationship

    Some important concepts here;
    – There are as many opinions as there are blogs. Take the information you want and apply it and respond openly with your feedback of the same. Give respect and you’ll get it back in spades.
    – Be honest with yourself so that we can help. The input you’re about to receive may seem overwhelming at times because we all want to help with your nurturing your bride to be the best submissive your Dom can manage. We’d like to hear from her too- when she’s ready.
    – Be open. Truly, it’s the only way any of us can help. But please, this is blog-landia. If there’s something you need to keep private, keep it private. Some bloggers have offered of themselves to take things off-line and communicate via email. Choose what you share wisely.
    – Challenging ideas- if someone gives you an idea or a concept, try it, reply, share what happened. Try to remain optimistic. Too often myself and others have seen great ideas poo-poo’d because the receiver immediately jumped to a ‘that won’t work’ mindset. We use the ‘try one bite’ rule in our house when something (new or old) is put on the table. As things are put on your table here, follow that- just try one bite and see how and if it fits.
    – Have fun. This ain’t no chore. Sorry for the incorrect grammar right there but you get the double point I’m sure; relax and take it a step at a time- baby steps first. Once you’re walking, then we’ll run. Then we’ll put your training wheels on, and once you get your balance, we’ll applaud and continue to encourage. No one wants to make you angry or unhappy, we just want to help.

    So I have a couple of questions from Mynx and I;

    Can you tell us about your sex life?
    What does your sub to be think is so weird about the D/s lifestyle?
    How often do have sex now?
    What kind of sex do you have with her?
    Define what you termed as ‘kinky sex’ for us?
    Have you tried to exert Dominance during the non-sex times?
    What was the outcome of your experience when (if) you did?
    What was her attitude like when (if) you did?

    Adom- thanks for reaching out to us and this community, we’re all pulling for you, please let us know what we can do to help?

    -Tom & Mynx

    1. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

      Tom. Thanks. I’ll work on the answers to your questions. I have already gotten two replies from the the people you recommended. I thought people in this lifestyle were hardcore and mean. I had no idea people could be nice and kind that did this stuff. Maybe I need to look how I view it more before I ask any other questions. I just feel dumb because I thought it was more aggressive and mean. I’m sorry if that came out wrong, but I just didn’t know.

  2. My Sir's Mynx

    Adom- No worries friend, a lot of people have that misconception I think, and, now that you’re a bit wiser about that part, perhaps you’re right in taking another deeper look at how you view this lifestyle. Maybe, you’ve been presenting it to your sub2B incorrectly thus leaving a preconceived notion in her mind similar to yours. It’s not dirty, it’s not dark and people from all walks of life are in on this. I know of a pilot, a doctor, a lawyer, an outside sales rep, and many others who appreciate the peace and tranquility that come from This Thing We Do (TTWD). Relax friend. Collect yourself. Think about it and share your thoughts on your blog before you go running back and spring them on your sub2B.

    Keep us posted Adom?

    BTW- I like the screen name you’ve chosen. Well done!

    1. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

      Thanks. I just said the same thing to the reply that Miss Bo Peep gave me. I like how you gave a name to my wife, sub2b. It gives me some hope to have about us. Thanks. And I will look and read the stuff you gave me. You people are real nice and I hope to be like that. I guess if all those other people in real good jobs can do this than a truck driver can right? Thanks man.

    2. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

      OK, I’ve been reading a bunch of posts or blogs today both on your site and many others. The on guy sounds likes he’s mean to his slave. I just couldn’t do that. But everybody else seems real cool. But I been thinking about this a bunch and I really want to do this I just don’t know how. I thought about just telling her that this would not make her or me a freak. The last time I talked with her our conversation got real ugly. She called me a freak for wanting to do this. Then she brought up all those BDSM movies all over the internet and made some statement like SO IS THAT YOU WANT, YOU TREAT ME A WHORE AND BEAT ME? I told her no because I loved her and those guys didn’t seem like they loved the woman they were beating on. But then that one guy I said sounded mean seems to love his slave so maybe I got that all wrong to.

      So like I said, I thought about alot man. I just do not know where to start this conversation with her. Like I said she thinks this is freaky and I think it scares her. Can you or somebody please tell me what I should do? I mean I think I tell her what’s the deal and then just tell her how much I love her. Is that enough? I fell like a fish out of water.

      And so you know, she does not know I’m getting you to help me. If she did know she would be like ARE HAVING THOSE PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO AND SAY TO ME? I need to think about how to tell her and I need you to help me with that. Hey thanks man, I mean it, thanks. I do really want this for me and her. I want the same happy things in my life you guys and some of the other blogs have. It just seem so real and peaceful and everybodys happy. You know? I know your taking your time to help is going to take time from you doing something else like with your family or something. I mean it thank you for helping me.

      1. Mynx's Sir

        Hi Adom- so I have a collection of thoughts I want to share with you. I ask you to please be honest with yourself here as it’s really the only way any of us can help bring you closer to your goal. I’m also just going to say this up front: I mean no disrespect to or about you, and I would ask that you not get defensive when I point things out. If you agree to that, then I’ll agree to continue, okay?

        Adom- I think you should keep reading and writing before you share this with your sub2b. Communication- written, spoken, and through touch -is the single most important thing you can do for yourself and your relationship. You’re probably saying that you have that already, but I would argue that you do not else you would have asked a different set of questions here. So that’s really assignment #1, just keep reading blogs in the community but pay attention to the communication which takes place between the couples. In some cases it’s one-sided as the other person in the relationship isn’t commenting or posting, and in others you see both. Look at how they interact- this really is the key to the castle door you want opened.

        Question- Are you a gentleman? What I mean is do you do things like open doors for your sub2b? Have you ever done things like order food for her at a restaurant? Tell me what decisions you currently make for her and how she responds to them? So that’s assignment #2.

        Last one for today- what are yours and her sexual taboos? Assignment #3 is figuring out (without asking her for right now) what her hard and soft limits are. And the some goes for you- what are your hard and soft limits? What things would you be willing to try and what things are just not going to happen.

        Here’s an example test link. Now understand, this was written for a much deeper level than what you’re seeking but it’s a place to start. Some of these things may freak you out but when you’re talking about your sub2b, she needs the reassurance that you won’t hurt her, but pleasure her to her limits. http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

        Okay- last comment for today, and this is me being critical of you, but I don’t want you to take offense to it… Practice speaking and writing less like you’re using a CB radio. LOL! We all become stereotypical of our environment. Some guys talk about work, and some guys talk like they’re at work- there’s a difference. I suspect you’re just being yourself and believe me, I appreciate that. But if you want to have more effective communications, convey your intentions more seductively, and woo your sub2b into considering the lifestyle you seek, you can’t speak (or write) like you’re on a CB radio. Does that make sense?

        A comparative example would be for you to look at your ‘about’ page vs. your dialogue to me. In your about page, you spoke (wrote) with clarity and you could tell that a lot of thought went into it. Your dialogue with me though has been sort of like a random collection of written words. Now maybe you were in a hurry or maybe felt that it was a comfortable way to communicate, but the fact is that it resembles a rambling. I suspect that your sub2b probably sees this side of you too; change the way you communicate and she’ll look to differently and change with you.

        One last thing; Don’t share any of this with her yet. There are many things to discuss prior to doing that.

        -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

        1. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

          Tom. Thank you Sir for your caring about me. I’m not the most well spoken guy in the room and I understand what you are saying. See, my office rolls down the road. I have been doing this for 18 years and very recently I started pulling 3trailers at one time. I make a lot more money than the other guys out here and most of them hate guys like me for doing this. They think that I’m taking food off there family’s table because I have three trailers on, and maybe I am. I have a perfect driving record and have logged more than million miles in all kinds of weather. Very few guys get to the point where they are trusted to pull three puppies because of all the dumb shit things you see yourself that truck drivers do on the road.

          The company I work for relies on me to get these things to another point on time safely and that’s it. I make it my job to make sure these things get there on time and that everyone I see on my drive is safe. Because your family’s are out here too and it could be my brothers or sister or mom or dad that gets hurt because somebody wasn’t doing there job. And people who drive cars don’t seem to care they just hate on us all the time because we’re in there way. I have trained my self to react to any given situation that can happen here on the road. Of all all the trucks running on the road in the Untied States today only about 3% of the truckers have logged a million accident free miles.

          What you said about the way I write is true and I am writing like am talking because I am. I’m not so smart like book smart but I think I have a lot of common sense smart. When I got my iPad for Christmas, I figured out that it has voice to text which I can do through my headset. I hit the button and it records me and then I go back in and fix the mistakes it makes. But I don’t want to take out the sentences or change them because it changes my ideas of what I’m trying to say. Does that make sense?

          Yes I open doors for my wife but all the time. Sometimes it’s just not fitting real well like if we’re in a hurry to go somewhere or something. I open doors for her about half the time but I will make a greater effort to do that more often because I think it means that I am showing her I respect her when I do. Is that right? I have never ordered food for her. She is a very picky eater and doesn’t like a lot of the same things I like. I don’t know that I could pull that off just because she is so picky.

          Sexual taboos. We would never have an orgy. She gave me a knobber one time in my truck which was real fun! I guess sex in public is okay. She doesn’t like butt sex. She’s ok with giving me a bj and I’m pretty good at going down on her. I have smacked her ass a few times and she has squealed but then complained later that it hurt. This ones on me, I think hickeys are gross and I don’t want them and won’t give them to her. She’s okay with that because of her job where she has to be in front of people all the time. Is that what you asking about?

          Thanks for helping me. +Adom

  3. SouthernSir

    Hello Adom, I found my way over here from your comments on my blog.
    As you can see not all Doms are scary, the visuals you see on the Internet are not a true representation of what it is to be in a D/s relationship.

    I see TW has been here talking to you, a good man to garner insight from and he has assigned you some homework.

    Not to add to much on top of what he has asked you to do but I do have one question at this time for you.

    What does it mean to you to be a Dom/Dominant?

    1. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

      That is a great question Sir. I think that it means to be in charge, in command, and in control, but as I am finding out I think it means a lot more. I think it means that my sub2b respects me and how I run and manage things in both of our lives, and our home, and my job. And I think it means that I don’t demand that respect from her. I think it means she appreciates me because of the respect she has for me. And I think it means I need to respect her for that respect she gives me. Do I have that right Sir?

      I didn’t really get this stuff until you Doms began asking me these types of questions. My main beef with my wife has been that she doesn’t want to have sex hardly anymore. And I thought this was the kind of sex all women wanted to have because of that 50 Shades book. And maybe they do but I think as I’m seeing here from your blogs it’s about more than sex. It’s about making her feel loved and appreciated and adored. I do love her but we just seem to fight about stuff and when I put my foot down and say no or if I’m wanting to do something and she says no, I just do it anyway and that makes her mad too. But I see you Doms doing that, just putting your foot down and the women just listen.

      I think you’re the Dom who is with miss Kayla right? You were just with her and she couldn’t wait to see you and then she was real sad when you left. I don’t know if my wife is sad when I leave. I think she loves me, she tells me she does, but I don’t see her cry when I leave to go on the road. But then I don’t really cry either when she goes out of town but I am sad. I have a lot of pictures of her here in my truck. I think of her a lot when I’m on the road. I guess what I want is for our time together on the weekends for the 2 or 3 day that I’m there to be like what you Doms have.

      I’m real sorry if this sounds lame. It’s so confusing to try to figure out. Here is the big thing I have learned from my reading, there seems to be 3 scenarios for men in this lifestyle. One is that the woman read that book or something like it and now the men are learning how to become Doms of them just like HusDomor. Or they are like you and Vile who were Doms and found your submissives later. Then theres the odd ones like Tom and his wife that had it all along and just seemed to come together at the same time. Theres alot to read here but I think that’s the most of what I see. I haven’t found any body like me who wants this but the wife or girl friend doesn’t want this. The closest thing I see is the other one Tom told me about but she is a woman who goes by Desirring Discipline that’s trying to get her husband to be a Dom to. Do you see what I am saying?

      I’m not looking for a pity party for me I’m just letting you know what I see. I know what I feel and that I really want this. I think my wife will be happier for me doing this thing. I need to figure out how to help understand that this isn’t about all of that shit video stuff where I think women are abused which is terrible. I love my wife and I think and feel real strong that she loves me.

      Thanks for helping me. +Adom

      1. SouthernSir

        Hello again Adom,

        Yes, I am Miss Kayla’s Dom or her Daddy as she calls me and no being her Daddy has nothing to do with age play, it is just another aspect of D/s.

        You have hit the nail on the head, D/s is much more then the sexual side. It is first about being in control of yourself, your life, your work, the things and people you interact with on a day to day basis.
        Respect does indeed play a big part of that, it is something earned and never demanded. To get there is a matter of communication, talking openly and honestly.

        When you see one of us “putting their foot down” as you say it is because in our relationships we have cultivated that trust and respect. Our subs know that we our doing our best and also have their best interests at heart with any decision we make. They know that deep down that whether it be in day to day decisions, in a scene, or other aspects that we would not let them come to any harm.

        Be aware also that not every person that is submissive is a masochist. Not all subs are into pain. Some are in it for the rope bondage, the Power Exchange, or as a service slave. There are many different types and varieties.

        Several times you mentioned that your wife says that this is “weird” What is it about the lifestyle that she finds weird?

        John B.

        1. A Dom Eve-ntually Post author

          Mr. John B……I have been reading very much and trying to take it all in and see if I can see me and Eve doing this and I think she has become different since I started this blogging and I think the answer is yes I can but I am very confused about alot of things and it seems like the more I think I understand the more confused I get so really the less I understand. I made some decisions that I want to tell you about and the first one is that I am going to call her Eve from now on because I don’t like calling her sub2b because I think it makes me think of her in a way which I want her to be not a way I need her to be. I have been spending alot of my time reading and I didn’t write anything to anybody because I wanted to read and understand more like you other men have said I should.

          This week Eve has asked me if I am ok and I asked her why and she said because I seem nicer to her. I think I have always been nice and a gentleman to her but now she thinks I am nicer. I think she is right because we have had one argument only in the last two weeks and it was about money. In the middle of the argument I stopped and asked her if she trusted me and she said yes she did. Then she stopped and looked at me funny and said ok lets do it your way and that has not happened for a long time.

          You asked me what I think Eve thinks is weird and I asked her to tell me that. She said that she had seen videos on the internet with her girl friends and they all thought it was disgusting and then she did to. I said that was ok but what did she think. She said that she thought they had all been paid to do those things and that they were all porn stars. I laughed and said no and that some of those people just like that stuff. She didn’t understand me at first but I said that it was like her liking wine and not beer. I said I like beer and I don’t like wine but that does not make me weird or her weird it just makes us different. She nodded her head and said oh ok but how does that apply to this weird porn. I said people like different things and just because that is what one person likes does not mean that we must like it. It means that we can have our opinion about it but just like me saying its ok for her to like wine and I do not but that I don’t judge her for that. I think she got it because she asked me if I liked that stuff and I said no. That is when I saw her expression on her face change like she understood.

          You asked me what it means to be a dom or dominant and I answered you and I think I am understanding more about that now. Before I started blogging I would get mad and just stomp off mad whenever we would argue. I think I figured out something new with this because I stopped getting mad and stomping. I think if I am a dom it means I am in control and if I am in control then the first one I am in control of is me. If I do not get mad and stomp then I have control of me because I have made that choice. I have been looking at Eve whenever I feel myself start to get mad and I asked her to please explain why she is mad. When I did this with her she stopped and said she did not know except that she thinks her way is the right one. I said that was ok but what if my way was right sometimes to. She said she didn’t mean to always be right but she didn’t think I was listening to her and that I was being selfish. I said it is like the beer and wine differences between us and that it was okay for her to think one way and me another way. Then I asked her if she always wanted to be the one who was right. She said no but that because all I would do is get mad she didn’t think I understood so she felt like she had to be right. So what I am getting at is that by not getting mad any more Eve thinks I am listening and understanding and if I understand she doesn’t need to be the one who is right. I think I have gained control of me and her because I gained control of me. My family has always told I have a temper and I thought it was ok to have it because they were afraid of me and would let me win the argument. I use to think people didn’t like me because they didn’t understand me but now I think they didn’t understand me so I would get mad and I would win the argument or create a fight then they would just walk away and say whatever. Then I would get mad because they didn’t stay to tell me why they didn’t understand and when I got mad I would win the fight. I have figured out that Eve is not afraid of me and that’s why I think we argue because she stays to fight because she is trying to understand me. I am the only one who can be in control of me and if I stop and control my temper my wife does not want to argue any more because she thinks I understand her and then she agrees and lets me make the decision. She seems happier now and like I said we have had only one argument in two weeks.

          Usually before I leave we have a big fight and Eve gets mad at me for something I forgot to do or something that I didn’t get done before I had to leave. We have not had a fight in the past two weeks and I asked her if she noticed that. She said she had not thought about it but that she seemed happier. I asked her why and she said she didn’t know but that I seemed to be happier. I think I changed me and I became in control of me and just stopped losing my temper and when I stopped getting mad she stopped arguing. When she stopped arguing she let me make the decisions and she seems to be following me more. I asked her if she was sad when I left this time when we talked on the phone and she said was. She blamed it on her period but I was thinking that maybe it was because she did not get mad at me when I was home this time. I think this is her feeling more comfortable and at ease with me because we were not arguing any more. She cried on the phone and said she missed me and she couldn’t wait for me to be home again and she has not done that since we got married almost two years ago.

          All of this made stop and think about alot of things about this because I was reading on Viles blog about the power exchange he has with his slave and that she gives him all the power to make the decisions he feels are best for them and that she trusts him to make the right ones and its her choice to give him that power. When I was in high school we used to call that whipped because the guy was allowed to make the decisions because the girl would let him. It got me to thinking about this and it made me wonder if this is all just a fake thing like living in a Hallmark movie. Before this I thought the BDSM movies on the internet were weird but now I have a new definition of weird. I am happier now but I don’t know if I am I happier because of me or her or because she is letting me be happier because of the power exchange. You should know that Eve does not about the power exchange the way Vile has talked about it but it makes me wonder if it is the same thing. I am very confused and feel very emotional lately and its funny because I don’t like to feel emotional because it makes me mad and if I am mad about something its because I don’t understand. I just need somebody to explain this all to me because it doesn’t make sense. Its like a giant riddle that keeps ending up starting over.

          Thanks for helping me. +Adom


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